Axes and Allies

I am sure many of you have tried various types of diets over the years, as have I. My latest go, was with the new FDA approved diet pill “Alli”, it claims to trap about 1/4 of the fat you intake. I had heard some good things about it, so I got a starter pack, and off I went. Things seemed to go well, the first week, but I didn’t lose any weight, I was a bit discouraged, but decided to keep going with it. Week two, was going well, until Thursday at work, when I was overwhelmed with what I believed to be a gasto-intestinal bug. It took me      two days to shake the bug, but on the plus side I was down 2 pounds!! (hey I will take it where I can get it). On to week 3, which was un-eventful, and I was down 5 Pounds. Week 4 comes along, and I am out with my friend Jenn at Barnes and Noble. We try to go at least once a month and have a treat (cheesecake for me,please) and a coffee.  We stayed in her driveway and chatted until almost midnight, and then I headed home. I pulled into a gas station about 15 minutes from my house to use the bathroom and fill up for the work week. I was the only one in the store at that hour, besides the 20-something young, arabic clerk.  I headed to the back to use the facilities……when, wow!!  gastro-intestinal attack, only this time it was back with a vengence!! I am only telling you this because the story gets very interesting here. I kept thinking to myself “this is really bad, I am DYING, I can’t handle the pain….” (mind you, I had natural child birth of a 10.7 pound baby, I CAN handle some pain) but this was UNBEARABLE PAIN. So, I yanked up my pants and literally stumbled to the front of the store, I barely made it to the counter, white as a sheet, when I was on the floor, passed out from pain. The very suprised clerk, kept saying (in his little arabic accent) “you going to be ok, I call 911″, I didn’t care who he called (preferably my mommy) but some medical help would do nice too. So, I am on the floor of the gas station literally writhing in pain, with no color left in my face, and the sweet little attendant holding my hand telling me “you be ok, can I help you, who can I call” when up pulls…. one police officer, one fire rescue truck, another policeman, and an ambulance. In walk 6 grown men to stare down at me on the floor. I remember hearing the snap of rubber gloves being donned, and some “mam’ how can we help you” when….whammo, I had to almost crawl back to the potty. When I came out, there were the guys asking what happened “explosive diarrhea” I replied, rather sheepishly. They had a chair for me, so I sat down, and they did some vital signs, but before they could check my sugar….whammo, another attack, and off I stumbled to the potty, leaving the door unlocked in case I passed out in there!! 5 minutes later, and I was back in the chair, “diarrhea again” I tell the 6 grown men, still standing there. By this time we had all figured out that I most likely had the flu, but they didn’t want me to drive home because they were afraid I would cramp up, and get in an accident. The pain was bearable now, and I wasn’t going to be toted around in an ambulence at $600.00 a mile, so I signed off, very embarrassed, and bolted for the door….past the two police cars, one ambulance, one firetruck, and 6 grown men wearing rubber gloves. I called my friend Jenn, to keep me focused  on the way home, because I was very freaked out, still white as a ghost, and hopeing to make it home before the next “attack”. I zoomed up the road, and bolted inside to my warm bed. I made it, and besides some very unpleasent symptoms, including uncontrollable teeth chattering (of all things!!) With a few days rest I was good as new…..but that got me thinking. Why the 2 episodes, and why 2 weeks apart….THE ALLI !!!!!  I remember now that the package insert stated that it COULD cause “uncontrollable diarrhea, abdominal cramping, and maybe you should bring an extra change of clothes with you just in case!!” I just never thought those things applied to me!!! Well, now I know, and as they say “knowing is half the battle!” So, I don’t care if I lose any more weight, I am just thankful that I don’t have to have 6 grown men examine my bowel movements anymore! I think for me personally, this “Alli” was more of an “Axes”, but hey, you can take your chances, I would just recommend you put 911 in your speed dial.